Sometimes I hold my thoughts in until it makes me crazy. I just want to be able to let them all out, and make myself feel better. This is what I am going to do.
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one...
It is amazing how behind you can get in just a couple days. Well, here is my update:
Monday- I didn't see Evan all day, and I don't think that I even got out of bed. Yea, that was my exciting day.
Tuesday- I saw Evan for the last time before he leaves. The Cadillac is really messing up, he needs to get his Jeep fixed. My mom picked me up from his house, and I found a Discovery that I liked in front of the Carmike. It stormed really bad tonight, and so I called Evan to make sure that he was ok. He was actually at Wes's house, and a tornado had came through, but Wes also lives in tornado alley, so what else could you expect?!?
Today- I slept until around 4 in the afternoon, because Evan left at 9 this morning. We went out to eat at Chilli's with Robert. This is day one of not seeing Evan, we'll see how it goes! Oh wow, this sucks. My mom's hot water in her bath tub won't stop dripping, so we had to turn off all the water. So, no one can brush thier teeth or bathe or anything until 2:00 tomorrow afternoon. That sucks because I need a bath. Anyway, I am going to lay out in the sun with my Meme tomorrow because it is supposed to be nice. I want to have a nice tan by the time that Evan gets back. I talked to my stepmom tonight and she told me that from the storm last night, a tree fell on my uncle's truck and my uncle's garage. That sucks. I am waiting on my dad to call me back to see if he will help pay half of the cost of that BMW (that will amout to $3900). I doubt that he will, but it's a nice try.
Posted at 08:12 pm by MissAshliSara
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
There I go, missing the entire weekend without writing. Here is an update on my weekend:
Saturday- My mom and George went to Knoxville again, so I went out with Evan. We basically had a good day just laying around his house, because his parents were gone too. It made me really happy that we could have such a good day. When we went to get Jeff some food for his lunch break, I ended up leaving McDonald's with Melissa. It wasn't because Evan and I were fighting or anything, it is just that we had been together all day, and he wanted to go hang out with all his friends, that he knew that I didn't want to be around. So, Melissa and I rode the strip for awhile, and then had to go get her parents from Applebee's. Oh oh! I could never forget, I found this 1992 BMW parked up by Wal-Mart that I want soo bad.
Sunday- Another day that I spent with Evan. It was an ok day, I mean, it could have been better, but we didn't fight or anything. My mom feels like hell today and that makes me feel bad, and reinforces the fact that I never want to have kids. There really isn't much to tell about my day, I mean, I went over to Evan's, and hung out for a while, and then came home. Pretty much it. Yea, I know that last weekend was much more exciting, but OH WELL.
Posted at 01:12 am by MissAshliSara
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Friday, July 09, 2004
"Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open" Switchfoot
Today Evan really suprised me, and called me around noon. He had been up to the jail to see Kipp and Matt. Kipp gets out in August, and Evan is really excited. I know that this sounds super selfish, but I don't want him to get out. I mean, yea that is cool because Acronaire will be able to play again, but that means that is just another little dickhead to take Evan away from me and talk him into doing all the things that I just got him to QUIT doing. I don't care, I have every right to be jealous. Oh well. Cam wrecked his Blazer, and his parents Navigator. That really sucks because he had put some real money into that Blazer, but they are having the Navigator fixed. Ok, I know all this because Evan went to go see Cam too, before he came and got me. I went to his house around 1, and stayed until about 8. I can't wait until his sisters leave. I put up every one of thier hair, and all the little brats took it down. I know that is sounding selfish again, but I really do hate those kids. I mean, I hate all kids, but they interfere with my life so bad. It was so great whenever I had Evan all to my self when I would see him, and those little brats wouldn't barge in all the freaking time. I don't care if I sound selfish, I have every right to be. I am sick of being nice. Well, anywhoo, Evan and I had a really good day together.. until we got in a little argument over chilli. Oh yea, I said it. We fought over chilli. It wasn't anything big, but still.
Well, that Nathan guy wrote me a text message today, and called Melissa. I think that he wants to hang out this weekend, but I don't know shit about him. Who knows. Maybe we will. It is up to Melissa.
I know that people say that after you move out, you'l regret it... well I am ready to regret it. I just can't stand my mom anymore. I don't know if it the fact that I just can't stand ANYONE right now, or if it is just that my mom is mainly the one that has been on my back. Yesterday I asked her if we could go turn in my job applications so that she would get off my ass about getting a job (and hopefully if I get a job she will get sick of having to take me, so she will just buy me a fucking car), but (of course) she hasn't taken me to turn in one damn application. I was asking her for WEEKS to get me an application from Sonic (since she goes there almost everyday, and has means of transportation, which she never did, so Evan and I finally had to go and get one. I am just so sick of her blaming everything on her being pregnant. La-de-fucking-da you're pregnant.. so that means you can't take 45 minutes out of your day to take me to get a job and YOU bitch about.
Oh, but that isn't it all. We have these friends that come over (there is the dad, son, and daughter), that are here now. Now, I hate when they come over because everytime I try to go to the kitchen for fucking ANYTHING my mom runs me out because "they're talking." Then, she always makes me go the stupid places that they go with them. Like going out to eat. God forbid we have to go out to eat with them. They have AWFUL table manners, and it makes me sick to be around them. The kids don't use napkins, THEY RAKE THIER FORK ACROSS THIER MOUTHS, THEY BURP AT THE TABLE, AND THEY SOUND LIKE THEY'RE SCREAMING WHEN THEY TALK (no joke on that, everyone stares). My mom kissess Jessica's ass so bad that it makes me sick. She will have something (like jewelry or something) laying on the table and I will pick it up and be like "is this mine?" and she is like "NO THAT IS FOR JESS PUT IT DOWN." Like I am going to fucking melt it or something. Jessica gets EVERYTHING she wants from her dad and my parents.
If no one can tell, I am ready to graduate and get out of here. I hate it here and I think that I might end up killing someone. No joke. I seriously feel like it now.
Everything is fine with my mom now. I called Walgreens to have my perscription filled, and we went to the old house. After we left the old house we went to Sonic (I really want to work there) and ate. It took them FOREVER to get our food out.
Posted at 01:59 am by MissAshliSara
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
My milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard.
I really have been falling behind on writing in here. Oh gosh, I haven't written since Saturday. Well, here is a run down of everything that has happened.
Saturday- Oh my gosh! On Saturday night Melissa and I rode the strip and it was the most fun that I have had in FOREVER! I would seriously LOVE to be b.f.f with her! She is such a cool girl. We met this super hot guy named Nathan. Well, I mean, it took us an hour of stalking him for him to actually pull over and talk to us, but it was well worth it. Now Melissa and I have a really fun story about my cousin and is going to be SUCH an inside joke for us! I love it! She is one of the most fun people to hang out with... and I really hope that when she comes back into town we can hang out again.
Sunday- Another fun day of being one of the guys. I was really scared that it was going to turn out shitty, since Evan and I fought all night before, but it was such a great day. I mean, we got into a little spat at Jeff's house, but it was over in like 5 minutes. At the beginig of our wonderful day, Evan and I went to my Meme's to eat with everyone.. that was great. He shot fireworks off with my brothers. It makes me really happy to know that they bond so well (not that my brothers haven't gotten along with all my boyfriends, it is just different with Evan. I guess because he is such a big kid like them). After that, Jeff came and picked us up (I just love Jeff, he is so much fun) and we went back to his house to get Wes. We all went up to Parksville, and it was so much fun. I thought that it would be really weird since I was the only girl, but it was better that way, I got all the attention. Wes was flashing people on the way down, and it was sooo much fun. After that we all went back to Jeff's house for awhile, until it was night time and time to go to the fireworks. We went to the fireworks down at the flea market off 64 highway, and they were probably the best that I had ever seen. After that I went home so that Evan could hang out with his friends, but it was a really good day.
Monday- I really wish that today could have been as good as Sunday. My mom and I got into a fight because I asked George if I could go to Evan's.. and there was major miscommunication. So, in the end I didn't see Evan (well, I mean, he came over for awhile, but that hardly counts because I was fighting with my mom the whole time). So, unforutanely, our day was cut short, and we didn't spend time together.
Tuesday- Another day that I didn't see Evan. He went to his dad's house to Whitney's birthday, and that was completely understandable. I rather him spend time with them, because he never gets to see him. Well, his grandmother brought them home with her, so now they will be here for a couple days. Well, Evan went out with Jeff and stayed out all night, so of course, we fought about that because I HATE when he does that.
Now we're down to today. Today I went over to Evan's to spend the day with him. I really liked seeing the girls, because I haven't seen them in so long, but it reminded me of how much I really hate kids. I mean sure, they are sweet, but still. Today was a exspecially good day, but I am really not sure why. Evan and I just chilled (I drew in his tattoo with a Sharpie, and it was super fun). We went by Sonic, because my fat ass was wanting a sundae! I finally got an application from there, and my mom said that on Friday afternoon we can go turn in all my applications. I really want to work at Jenkin's.. or the handbag place.. but anywhere will work. Well, I guess I have bored you enough, so I will be off to bed!!
Posted at 03:43 am by MissAshliSara
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.
When you're young, everyone always says that you don't know what love is. I think that I truly know. After everything that Evan and I went through last night, I feel so much closer to him. We were on the phone until 8 am trying to figure everything out. I am so happy that we can just act like nothing ever happened, and just go back to the way that it was. I AM SO HAPPY!!!
When I was over at Evan's house today, it was a really good day (other than when I got sick). I don't like being over there when his aunt Debbie is over there because I always feel like she is thinking bad things about me. She just makes me think that she doesn't like me. I don't care because I have only met her like twice before. She will get over it.
I am so excited that this is the weekend of the 4th. This is going to be the first holiday that Evan and I have ever been together for. Isn't that exciting?! I know that most people probably wouldn't count this as a holiday, but it really is something to me. I am honestly exstatic about it.
In three days it will be our three month anniversary. That is so shocking to me, because it seems like so much more than three months (even Brandy agrees). I feel like I have known Evan my entire life. After everything that he said last night, I think (scratch that, I KNOW) that we will be together for a long time. I can't wait until I turn 18, because I want to move in with him, and spend all my time with him!!!
I didn't wake up until 4 this afternoon, and I went over to Evan's at 6, then didn't get home until almost midnight. Poor Evan got his haircut today, and the woman messed it up so bad. I know that it is just hair, and that it will grow, but it looks HORRIBLE!
Posted at 03:52 am by MissAshliSara
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. ~Peter Ustinov
I know that I haven't been writing in here, but I was with Evan for the most of my day yesterday. We were one the phone until 5:00 this morning. I have realized how happy I am with him, and how bad I don't want to lose that. I mean, sure, he can still be a bastard sometimes, but I still care about him more than I could have ever imagined. I don't know what I am going to do when I get back to school. I am going to miss him so much. Maybe by then he will have a job, and we won't have to worry about him doing something that he shouldn't. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do, it is just that girls can be bitches and try to get men to do things that they know they don't want to. Wow, and the same thing that I was bitching about last week happens again. I am not going to go into the whole spill, but it has to do with Ethan once again. Evan is such a bastard around his friends, but mostly around Ethan. Everything is fine now and we talked it over.
I talked to Brandy tonight. I just love talking to her, she always brightens my day. I love hearing about her and Smokey's relationship. She just makes me so happy because she is so up and happy. She quit at Sonic, so I guess I will go up there and fill out an application. The only bad thing about that is that Ashley Swafford works there and I think that she is soo crazy.
Matt Stratton is in jail! I know that I probably shouldn't be happy about that, but I am. Brandy and I are both so happy that he is there, because it is something that he is needed for awhile. Evan wants to go up there and visit him, but I guess I need to find a way to talk him out of it. I don't mind if he goes and visits Kipp, because I like Kipp just fine, just not Matt. P.S. Kipp gets out in 2 months and Evan is so happy!
Posted at 02:50 pm by MissAshliSara
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth
I am about to stop going to Evan's house. OK, ya know he wrecked his Jeep so he is having to drive his grandmother's Cadilac (sp??). Well, it eats up gas and he has to put the premium kind in it, which is really expensive. Well, yesterday we got some ice cream and food, and I only have $5 left over, so I gave it to him to put in gas, and it only put like 3 gallons in. Well, so then he only had 6 gallons, and then today he only has 2.. so when he told his grandmother that he was taking me home and to keep the phone near because he might need her to come get him because he might run out of gas, she like freaked out, telling him that if he is going to get me and take me home everyday then I need to be the one to pay for the gas, since he uses all of it to drive me around. When he told her that I put some in it yesterday she told him that I obviously didn't put enough in it and he needs to quit wasting it all on me. So, I just feel like I am not wanted there anymore. I don't want to be her inconvenience. It isn't MY fault that he wrecked his Jeep, it isn't MY fault that he doesn't have a job, and it isn't MYfault that he doesn't have any money... I am not wasting my money because she refuses to give him any. I am about to get a job and I hope that she doesn't think that I am going to be the one giving Evan money for anything he needs. She is his guardian, NOT ME! I think that she has mentioned to him that he needs to quit spending all his time with me, and start using some of it to get a job. I didn't hear the whole conversation because I was eavesdropping at the bottom of the stairs, and they were in the kitchen.I just don't want to go there anymore because I feel like she is blaming all thier money problems on me. My only thing is.. that isn't the only bad thing that I know that she has said about me. All of them are so nice to my face, but I know for a fact that everyone of them talk shit behind my back. One time Evan overheard his grandmother, Aunt Cindy, and cousin Allie talking in the kitchen and his grandmother was like "Yea Ashli hates kids, so she better be on birth control with them locked up in that bedroom all the time." and his cousin was like "Yea I have heard BAD things about her." So, Evan nonchalantly went upstairs and asked them what they thought of me (this was like 2 days before our 2 month anniversary) and they were like "We like her just fine." and his aunt was like "She is up to no good, you better watch out for her" and Evan was like "She has a lot of enemies that are jealous of her looks and money. I AM SO SICK OF THEM! I like Evan so much, but I HATE his family! His real mom, that isn't even around, doesn't like me.. and she met me ONCE! One time Evan and I went down to Georgia to see his mom and she said that we act "too much like a married couple." I don't even care anymore, they don't know me. If they DID know me then they would like me just fine. They are making judgements a little too early. I sit there and I talk to them every single day and they are so nice to my face... whatever... I dont care.
I just thought that I would vent my anger because that is so shitty of them!!! I just don't understand how they could talk about me like that.
Someone called my cell phone from a number that I didn't know, so I called it back.
"Did someone call my cell phone from this number?"
"Yea, this is Swave's girlfriend soon to be wife" (making fun of my preppy voice, when she was obviously white too, just trying to sound ghetto. bad attempt.)
"Um, ok?"
"I saw your number in his phone so I called to see who you were."
"In who's phone?"
"Swave's phone."
"I don't know anyone named Swave."
"Well, obviously you do since your number was in his phone."
"No, obviously that just proves that he knows me. I don't know a Swave"
"Are you scared bitch? Quit lying."
"Scared of what? You? I don't know you and I don't know your damn boyfriend."
"He is my fiance' and I think you do."
"Well, what does he look like?"
"He's black and tall and has braces."
"Oh, that ugly guy. Yea I know him, he was friends with my ex-boyfriend."
"Who is your ex-boyfriend?"
"What does it matter?"
"It doesn't."
"OK You got your answer then, bye."
*click*
I don't know what that was all about, but I have never talked to this guy in my life. The only reason I can think that he would have my number is because of Michael. What a pyscho. I don't even call girls in Evan's phone.
Today Melissa told me that Jill had her baby on Sunday, so I had to call her and talk to her. She is very worn out... Jill told me that she saw Chris up at the hostpital today.. so that must mean that Kimmika had her baby! YAY FUN!
Posted at 09:19 pm by MissAshliSara
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Monday, June 28, 2004
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln
I have been slacking on writing in here. Today, from the time I woke up, I was with Evan. Today was a really good day with us, and I can say that I was truly happy. There was no fighting, at all. We watched the movie Wild Things 2 (one of the trashiest movies that I have ever seen) and went to get ice cream. I don't know that I am going to see him tomorrow, but it probably wouldn't be a very good idea. When we see each other everyday is when things start to go wrong, and I am too happy and things are going to well to have anything go wrong. Evan makes me so happy, I really don't know what I would do without him. I mean, I know that we have only been together for three months (actually, in 8 days it will be three months), but it feels like so much longer. I feel like we've been together for three years. I feel like I have known him my entire life, because I am so comfortable around him. Like he said the other day "I am so comfortable around you I know now that I can fart, burp, play with my food, and take a dump with the door open." It is kinda crazy, but I feel the same way (excluding the taking a dump with the door open, I am kinda shy about my poo). I just care so much about him. I guess that it is one of those things, that you take for granted while you have it, but when you don't have it for a couple of days, you realize what you're missing. When I don't see Evan for 12 hours I feel like I am already having withdrawls. That probably sounds completely crazy to someone who doesn't understand Evan and I.. but it is just like that for me. I don't know what I would do without him, but I don't know what to do with him. He makes me just want to give him this big hug. Like today, when we were watching that movie, someone said something, and he looked at me and said "I'll take care of you." GOAH I LIKE HIM! P.S. They found Richie safe and sound. The little shit ran off himself.
Posted at 11:19 pm by MissAshliSara
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.
I picked that title, because I feel that has what has happened with Evan and I. It isn't just habit that I see him everyday now, now it is something that I have to have. Just like a drug. Evan has became my own little drug.
This morning I got some shocking news. Richie is missing. He went to the pool yesterday, and just simply never returned. They have talked to everyone they could, and filled a poilce report, but there is no sign of him. That is some news that you don't want to hear when you wake up in the morning. I am really hoping and praying for his safe recovery.
Evan and I are such a mess. I don't know what to do right now. I just called him to try to wake him up, and he was nothing but a bastard to me. I mean, sure I called at 11:00 in the morning, but last night I told him that I would call him early so that I could see him before I went to Marie's house. I guess once again he has screwed our plans out of the water. I think that it might be a pattern that this has happened everyday for the last three days. I am finding myself not wanting to be with him more and more everyday, and that scares me. It makes me wonder if that is what he WANTS. If he WANTS to push me away. If so, he is doing a damn good job of it. Oh goodness Evan came and got me at like 2, and it was probably the best day that I have ever had with him. We didn't fight at all. I am so happy that I am with him now.
Posted at 11:39 am by MissAshliSara
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Saturday, June 26, 2004
He who angers you, conquers you
Wow, it is like 4:15, and I just woke up like 30 minutes ago. I guess that it doesn't count because I woke up at like 7 this morning and stayed up until like 9, then I went back to bed. Matt called and woke me up talking all crazy.
I guess that I should update everyone on what happened with Evan last night. After he left (the second time) he called me telling me that he was sorry and that everything was going to be fine, and that we were still together. I guess that means that he really does like me, because he has put up with a lot of my shit. I haven't heard from him today, but his grandmother said that they should be back anytime now, so I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens today.Matt has been super great for all this, and I kind of feel like me talking to him might be the reason that Evan and I are fighting so much lately. I refuse to feel bad about it though, Matt and I are ONLY friends, and Evan knows that. It is now 9:35, and I haven't heard from Evan all day. Yea, that is really annoying. I have talked to his grandmother twice today, and once I called Jeff and told him to have Evan call his Granny, but that is the only type of communication I have had with him. OK, I just called his house and talked to his Granny. Evan and Jeff were in the front yard shooting fireworks, but she said that she was going to make them stop (before someone called the police) and then she would make him call me. I am not sure that I really want to talk to him. I really wanted to see him today, but I guess that got blown out of the water. Obviously he isn't wanting to see me that bad, because he hasn't made any type of an effort to call me, or to see me. I just can't stand it when he is around Jeff, I don't know if it is because I am JEALOUS of Jeff, or because I just can't stand the way he acts when he is around his friends. He is not the same person when he gets around them. Lately I have found myself asking if I still care about Evan. I don't think that I would rather be with someone else than him, I just question wheter or not I would be happier without him. I mean, for the last three months he has been my life, and I don't know what to do. It is around 1:25 am. About an hour ago I had Monica call Evan. This is how it went....
LilRaider65 [12:40 AM]: call evan! :)
PiinkDymondMamii [12:41 AM]: lol iiqht numba ?
LilRaider65 [12:41 AM]: 4235840136
PiinkDymondMamii [12:41 AM]: ok its rinqin
LilRaider65 [12:41 AM]: lol
LilRaider65 [12:42 AM]: soo scandalous.. oohhhh soo scandalous....
PiinkDymondMamii [12:42 AM]: lol
LilRaider65 [12:42 AM]: its a song
PiinkDymondMamii [12:42 AM]: i hear gurlz n da bakkground
PiinkDymondMamii [12:42 AM]: oooo
LilRaider65 [12:42 AM]: NUH UH!
LilRaider65 [12:43 AM]: You're lying...
PiinkDymondMamii [12:43 AM]: he said "yall fine "
LilRaider65 [12:43 AM]: LIAR
PiinkDymondMamii [12:43 AM]: i was like u still with hea...he goes "yeah" i was iiqht bye
LilRaider65 [12:44 AM]: tell me everything that was said
PiinkDymondMamii [12:47 AM]: ok i said hello dis evan...he was like yeah i said whats up dis Monica ...den chris kall i told em to hold on then i click bakk ova and was like whats up wit u n ashllii he goes " we fine" im like yall still taqetha he qoes "yeah" im like iiqht bye then he asked y
PiinkDymondMamii [12:47 AM]: and i hunq up
LilRaider65 [12:47 AM]: Did you never answer him why??
LilRaider65 [12:48 AM]: Did you really hear girls in the background??
PiinkDymondMamii [12:48 AM]: nope
PiinkDymondMamii [12:48 AM]: lol i hurd Boiz
LilRaider65 [12:48 AM]: and prolly firework
PiinkDymondMamii [12:49 AM]: yeah
LilRaider65 [12:49 AM]: girl you know im crazy, dont be tellin me there were girls in the background....
PiinkDymondMamii [12:50 AM]: Lmao i no
LilRaider65 [12:50 AM]: you were trying to get me to go buck wild
PiinkDymondMamii [12:50 AM]: Lmao
LilRaider65 [12:50 AM]: no lmao!
I feel much much better now that I know that he is admitting to people that we are still togeter and doing fine, even though he could have just done it because he knew that Monica and I were friends. I am so excited because I am going to Marie's house tomorrow! FUN, YAY! I am sure that everyone off the loop is going to be jealous!!! But, more about Evan. He called me around 10:00. I cried wanting him to come over, and he said that he was going to shoot fireworks with Jeff. I wish that he would crawl out of Jeff's asshole for once!!!
Posted at 04:11 am by MissAshliSara
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